severing connections

I've created several blog accounts since blogging became the in thing, but none of it lasted for more than a year. For some reason, I have lost interest in writing. Hmmm... Well, maybe it was because of the fact that there was nothing new to write about. Every entry is satiated with negativity, and even I as the author grew tired of it.


Yet here I am again. I have created a new blog account, hoping this would be the last blog I will be creating. Hmmm... Let's see... let's see.


There comes a time - not just once, not just twice, but for several times - in our life when we experience difficulties we cannot seem to get out of no matter how we relentlessly try. We look around and we see everyone living on play, while we seem to be trapped inside a bubble where we aimlessly float in slow motion. No one sees nor hears you. No one's there to, uhm... burst your bubble...?


That is exactly how I am feeling right at this moment. I feel like I've been permanently rid off the face of the earth. I don't have a name, nobody knows me. Everything I had, I have lost. I look at some of my pictures taken years before. I looked so happy then, yet I couldn't remember why I was happy. I have forgotten everything about the past - the people I have met, the fun things I did, the places I went to, the things I owned... disconnected from the world I knew.... (I sound like a psycho) ever since two red bars appeared in both pregnancy test kits.


Disconnected from the world I knew. I don't know how to keep up. Missing my old happy self, where every moment seemed to be a happy moment; where everyday is my birthday. In just two weeks, I'll be turning 21, and it feels strange that birthdays doesn't mean much to me anymore, not like it used to. All my emotions are mixed up, sometimes I feel so sad looking at all the people around me running around and doing their thing, while I'm stuck in this situation and I can't do anything about it. Sometimes I'm excited to know who I'm going to meet in 2 months. Maybe it's just the raging hormones talking... all I know is that I'm sleepy.


to be continued...